Love Styles

Back in the 1970's, the psychologist Lee came up with a novel and useful way of looking at love styles, or how individuals behave in romantic, loving relationships. Lee said there were three main styles of loving which he termed Eros, Ludus and Storge (Greek terms used by Plato when discussing love).

The Main Styles

• The Eros style of loving is typically seen as an intense physical and emotional attraction and commitment.
• The Ludus or "game playing" love style is used by people who play love out according to a set of rules, and who view love as something that should be fun with no commitment.
• The Storge style is characterised by a deep affection and devotion where emotional intimacy is the main thing.

The Secondary Styles

The minor styles of loving are combinations of the first, with each sitting in between and merging several of the characteristics of a pair of the major love styles.

• The Mania style of loving is an obsessive and intensive love where the passion or Eros is combined with the game playing of Ludus.
• The Pragma love style is adopted by people who see love as a practical matter of identifying a compatible partner and settling down. In this sense it combines the 'rules' based elements of Ludus with the pragmatic and non-dramatic loving style of Storge.
• The Agape style of loving is a type of love that is intense and often self-sacrificing, combining the passion of Eros with the friendship of Storge.

Lee's styles of loving can offer a useful model for thinking about relationships. The diagram is similar to a color-wheel (as used by interior designers) where complementary styles are adjacent while styles on opposite side of the wheel are strongly contrasting. In practical terms, individuals with similar love styles are likely to get on with each other understand each other's behaviours, whereas individuals with opposite love styles are obviously not going to work.

For example, imagine a couple where one follows an Agape love style while the other tends towards Ludus. This might possibly work for a while, as the person with the Ludus style of loving may well be able to take advantage of the Agape person's selflessness, but you'd anticipate that sooner or later the person with the Agape style is going to get very hurt.

References:

Lee, J. (1973). The colors of love: An exploration of the ways of loving. Don Mills, Ontario, Canada: New Press.

Added Monday February 28, 2011 by administrator under Articles